Thanksgiving, what it means to me.

It’s Thanksgiving again time to share all the ups and downs. Time to be thankful for all the blessing in life.

This year I can be thankful for a few reasons the first being I have finally raided myself of longing to have a relationship with my daughter. I know that sounds mean but if you knew my daughter and the lies that she has spread about me and others he might understand why I don’t want a relationship with her.

I have tried so many times with her only to realize it’s just not going to happen! She is not capable of having any relationships, any honest relationships.

If I have not stated any reason why I will say it here. She has borderline personality disorder part of that is narcissistic traits she lies about everything. And I mean everything things I don’t even need a lie to make them better or more enjoyable she lies about but mostly everything she lies about is my life.

As my daughter I have always wanted the best for her and she has always wanted the worst for me. I don’t know why I’m not even going to guess why. And father was just like that. He wanted to ruin everything about everybody. As my daughter I have always wanted the best for her. Because as her mother that is what I do. But she has always wanted the worst for me. I don’t know why I’m not even going to guess why. And father was just like that. He wanted to ruin everything about everybody.

The lies that come out of her mouth are sad. They are disturbing and sad. Many of her lies are things that make the person she’s telling the lie to wanna avoid me. She likes to tell people that I’m very mentally ill she likes to tell people that I have borderline personality disorder and why does she don’t do that number one because she knows the disease so well that she can put symptoms and reasons and every little bit about it on my shoulders and say that I have done what she’s done.

I tried to get her an appointment with my primary care physician. She went in for what was a “new patient appointment” and started telling my primary care that she wanted to get me into rehab because I was drinking too much. Sadly I don’t drink because I have a disease called hereditary hemochromatosis. It is my choice I don’t consume alcohol. I can’t say never, but I’ll try to stay away from alcohol because it hurts the liver. My liver is already hurt by the disease. She clearly has shared with many people that I am an alcoholic and I guess I probably either have been to rehab and failed or I need rehab. I don’t know?

It’s lies like that that I don’t understand I’ll never understand but why would my own daughter tell people that I know this other than to hurt me?

There’s more. There’s always more with her. Have two sons who she has destroyed with the same behavior of lying to other people. She lies about her brothers and I’m not gonna repeat the lies. She has been vicious to each.

My boys also don’t want a relationship with me because of her. I don’t know if anyone could understand my choices? I have tried repeatedly to have my family, which is 2 boys and 1 girl together. She has done everything in her power to destroy it.

I think she destroyed it, but, I just didn’t realize it when it happened. so now here I am with my husband who’s step father to my children it’s Thanksgiving and we are celebrating alone. 

It hurts from the deepest part of my heart to admit that it’s because I should have chosen wisely and not given her and her lies so many opportunities.

A person with borderline personality disorder, unless they are willing to make the effort with a therapist to change their behavior. My daughter has said many times she has changed. She claims to have done the work with a therapist. I believed her. She said she was using medical marijuana to help control her ocd. She also said the reason she lies is because of ocd. It sounded good. It really did. I believed her one more time. She is my daughter, my only daughter. Once again she lied. I knew it it. I saw her lies and i let them slide. I finally called her out. But it is too late.

I wish her luck. I wish her love. I wish her happiness on the rest of her life however I know she will continue to destroy everything in her life much as she’s done to my life.

Several things I have completed; my will excludes her, my medical advance directive specifically excludes her, plus I have instructions for my end of life care should not include her whatsoever. It was hard to write this down. It was easy to sign my name. Once it was all done I let out a sigh and I smiled for the first time in a while. Time to stop carrying the cross of my mentally ill daughter. She is 40 years old in January. It’s time to stop blaming me for every wrong you perceived in life. It’s time to get the help you need. You are on your own now. It’s time I said goodbye, good luck. I always wished I had a daughter but I do not choose you.

This is my Thanksgiving.

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