PTSD

There is no denying I have PTSD. Think I’ve suffered from it since I was a child. However I had a dream the other night that showed me I have PTSD still in my dreams. I

In my dream I was aware that my granddaughter vera was standing next to the bed. I looked up a nice at all vera it’s you! I was so happy she was there despite knowing that I’m asleep in my bed it’s the middle of the night. She had a light and she was looking at my belongings on my night table. Look at fashion my night table is cluttered with everything I own practically my summer face cleaner my winter face cleaner nice summer moisturizer and I went moisturizer and every face cleaner and moisturizer in between. I can’t decide which one I actually like so I use them all.

So in my dream vera is scanning my items. Nothing attracts her nothing special. Then I look at her and she doesn’t have a head! And she’s headless. She’s got like a tiny little shrunken head. I kind of guess that means something in the way of her not having her own brain to think with. She’s an extension of my daughter as I already mentioned……… The fact that she doesn’t have a head it’s shrunken means that she’s just an extension of my crazy daughter.

My granddaughter is just an extension of my daughter. My daughter destroys everything and everyone that’s around her. Using her daughter and preventing her from having a relationship to me would suit her perfectly.. But if she can use someone to benefit her in the long run then she’ll keep that person close. Her daughter is landmine. She’s almost like a suicide bomber is. Just waiting for the right time to come into my world and blow me the fuck up. Don’t even think that I’m wrong about this. My daughter has such hatred in her heart for me she will do anything and everything to destroy me. She’s contacted friends of mine and told them that I’ve been in the crazy bin. I guess it takes one to no one because I’ve had my daughter hospitalized more times as a teenager than I can count. I know that she’s been hospitalized as an adult too. So, I guess it takes one to no one? because I’ve had my daughter hospitalized more times as a teenager than I can count. And I know that she’s been hospitalized as an adult too.She informs anyone who may have contact with me not to say anything to me because i am not psychologically well.My daughter has such hatred in her heart for me she will do anything and everything to destroy me.

As I’m dreaming, I thought to myself I’m better off to just close my eyes and go to sleep. If Vera is going to hurt me or kill me at least I won’t be aware of it.

I guess it’s just another small piece of my heart falling away from the heartbreak of the relationship that in my heart I hoped would be? Vera is gone. Maybe she never really was a part of my life? Families are destructive underneath the surface? Some have only hate and disgust for each other.

Still it hurts because I’’m human after all?

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